Tuesday, December 10, 2013

The Twelve Days of Solstice—and Other Cracked Carols

Years ago, I was the primary scriptwriter for the holiday entertainment at my wild and crazy workplace. We were all twenty- and thirty-somethings. It was the ‘80s and many of us drank too much, among other youthful indiscretions. Our anything-goes entertainment was double-over hilarity.

One of the traditions I started was to create what I called Kinky Carols, where we twisted the verses of traditional holiday tunes to suit our whims. This is an example, hot off the presses, just in time for this ChrismaSolstiHanuzkaa. (OK, late for Hanukkah, but it started so early this year!)

To avoid the annoying repetition referenced in Carols and Tinsel Time Tunes ‘Round the Zodiac, this just gives the 12 gifts once. You know how it’s done, but in case your non-Astro friends don’t know what you’re talking about, a handy dictionary decoding the Astrobabble is provided at the end. Feel free sing it at the top of your lungs during your astrology group social events this season. Your plus-ones will probably appreciate the translation, so they can laugh at the jokes with you.

The Twelve Days of Solstice

On the first day of Solstice my true love gave to me,
a Star for the top of the tree.

On the Second Day … Two Vedic gems

On the Third Day: Three sextiles

On the Fourth Day: Four Grand Trines

On the Fifth Day: Five TMA’s

On the Sixth Day: Six UAC tickets

On the Seventh Day: Seven Venus Transits

On the Eighth Day: Eight Astrodramas

On the Ninth Day: Nine Parts of Fortune

On the Tenth Day: Ten Exaltations

On the Eleventh Day: Eleven Jupiters

On the Twelfth Day: 12  Mercs Unretro-ed


Vedic gems:  Stones worn in Vedic or Indian astrology to strengthen the energy of a certain planet. For instance, Jupiter is supported by yellow topaz.

Sextile:  A geometric angle of 60-degrees between planets that makes the pair compatible and these parts of yourself complementary.

Grand Trine:  A 120-angle between planets that results in flowing sympathy between them and parts of yourself operating easily together.

TMA:  The Mountain Astrologer, the premier astrology magazine on the planet.

Venus:  Planet of love and money, among other things, its transits often bring good things in those categories.

UAC Tickets: The United Astrology Conference (UAC) occurs every 4 years in rotating cities and is the international gathering of astrologers from all over the planet.

Exaltations: A planet considered to be in its best placement in a certain sign. Good stars!

Part of Fortune:  A point in an astrology chart considered fortunate.

Astrodrama: A fun way of learning from astrology by acting out planets in their signs and their interactions with one another. Similar to the psychological practice of psycho-drama. The planets dialogue with each other, and insights are gained from the actors embodying the planetary energies.

Jupiter: Often called the Great Benefic, Jupiter transits can bring wonderful opportunities, blessings and chances for expansion.

Merc Unretro-ed. Refers to Mercury Retrograde, a period of 3.5 weeks that occurs 3-4 times a year where communications, short trips and thinking are often glitchy, “off”—or mistakes are made or caught. Astrologers (and most people) really find Mercury Retrograde annoying.


Photo Credit: Christmas Fir Water Color © soleg – fotolia.com

1 comment:

Sandra Mosley said...

Love it, Joyce. Thanks for sharing.