Friday, December 8, 2017

Humor: Carols and Tinsel Time Tunes ‘Round the Zodiac

© 2013 by Joyce Mason
All Rights Reserved

See Comment Contest about this cartoon at the bottom of the post.

Every holiday carol is likely to be loved by some signs more than others. I asked my alter ego, Auntie Joyce, to scratch her head and share her ideas and acerbic wit on which holiday tunes go with which singers in the zodiac. Here’s a taste of her which-craft!

Aries: "We Need a Little Christmas (Right This Very Minute!)” – OK, it’s not technically a carol, but this catchy tune from the musical Mame captures Aries impatience to a T. Besides, if you have to be first, you’d be singing a different tune because you’d be singing it before the carol season begins. If you insist it has to be a carol, “The First Noel” for obvious reasons ….

Taurus: “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear” – With its sweet, almost sensuous peacefulness, this carol will appeal to the laid-back Bull, happy to envision angels bending near the earth (his or her element), touching their harps of gold. We know how Taurii love their gold.

Gemini: “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” – Gem’s a messenger, right? This song reminds me of Paul Revere running through the streets of urban America chanting, “The Santa is coming.” Besides, it’s about lists and checking them twice. Of course, one list would never do for the list-happy Gemini, unless it were Santa’s never-ending scroll. Gems just keep singing and fantasizing about the List to End All Lists. It’s almost better than sex.

Cancer: “Away in a Manger” – What Cancer with his or her strong inner parent wouldn’t worry for baby Jesus having no home or crib for his head? Who else would be more eager to sing about creating the comforts of home, even in a meager stable? Obvious runner-up: “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.”

Leo: “All I Want for Christmas is You.” Not that you’re hooked on romance or attention or anything, King or Queen of Everyone’s Heart.

Virgo:  “The Twelve Days of Christmas” – It’s complex, it’s wordy, it requires memorization. It’s a challenge to get right, and it offers no end of possibilities to critique those who can’t cut it.

Libra: “All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth” – With Libra’s bent for beauty, he or she would truly be disturbed to be missing these important smile props. Not to mention, it’s easier to kiss with good dentition. Gives the lips a good foundation and backdrop for the pressure of pursing and pressing against another’s. Runner-up: “The Peace Song.” (Let There Be Peace on Earth and Let it Begin with Me)

Scorpio: “O Come, All Ye Faithful” – Not that I’m saying Scorps are jealous or anything.

Sagittarius: “O, Hanukkah!” Jewish or Gentile, this catchy tune is likely to capture the heart of fiery Sag. Hanukkah’s a Festival of Lights, there’s gambling in a game of spinning the dreidel, it’s a religious celebration--and a party. Generous Sag has the opportunity to give eight days of gifts without having to memorize their names in reverse order. (See Virgo.) Runner up: “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”  for a title so tactless ... dare I say more?

Capricorn: “Up on the Rooftop” – Goats like to climb, and who knows? A He Goat might meet a reindeer babe up there. Girl Goats might meet a hunky deer. (Note to Cap: Avoid the one with the red nose. Possible lush and you know how they tend to get out of control.)

Aquarius: “Auld Lang Syne” – This traditional New Year’s tune is about friendship, the Water Bearer’s favorite form of love. It’s sung at parties where gregarious Aquarius shines when people are thinking of revolutions. (That’s resolutions, Aquarius.)

Pisces: “All Through the Night” – A traditional Welsh folk song about a sleeping child attended by angels, it’s a double-header for any pair of Fish. You can zzz out after being tucked in by heavenly beings. Runners up: “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” for the occasional Fish that drinks like one and "Blue Christmas" for those sensitive artiste types who cry in their beer before drinking it.

May your Inner Zodiac Singers always help you hit the high notes in life!

Happy Holidays from Joyce, “Auntie Joyce” and everyone at our house—to everyone at yours.


Photo Credit: © wetnose1 -

 Carolers Cartoon Contest

There are only 11 carolers. Which sign is missing and why? Post your best explanations in the Comments!


zodiacjoy said...

Aries is missing because they've already finished the carol and moved on to decking the halls or trimming the tree.

Joyce Mason said...

I love it! I'm eager to hear everyone's ideas. When I discovered the art I chose had only 11 choir members, the contest suggested itself. Well played! :)

Arlene Hougland said...

Scorpio is missing. They snuck out to eat the Christmas cookies while everyone else is caroling.

Joyce Mason said...

Excellent hypothesis, Arlene, and astrologically worthy of Sherlock Holmes himself.

Jennie W said...

Aquarius is missing because... SQUIRREL!!!!