Chiron: Healing from the Heart

© 2014 by Kerry Keegan, Guest Blogger

All Rights Reserved

It’s my pleasure introduce you to our guest blogger, Kerry Keegan. I “met” Kerry when she responded to my call for personal stories related to my Chiron Research. (See Research Update at the end.)  I was so impressed with the dramatic way she has aced Chiron’s challenging, but ultimately healing course in her life, especially at her Chiron Return; I asked if she’d be willing to share her experiences with my readers. Lucky for us, she said yes!

The Radical Virgo has focused on a lot of material about Chiron, but we haven’t had a Chiron article in some time. During this retrograde winter where we’re being asked to review so many things in our lives, what’s left to heal belongs on the top of the list. As a wonderful bonus, Kerry is an astrologer with expertise and tremendous personal experience with Chiron’s archetype. Since I am unable to do readings as I pursue my writing career full-time, Kerry is someone I heartily endorse for referrals. ~ Joyce

Prior to becoming an astrologer myself, in my twenties one of my first astrology teachers remarked that my life would predominantly be about healing. This piece of information seemed to bounce along the surface of my awareness, for I hoped to steer far off that course by sheer will power.

This theme resurfaced again in my forties, when I heard a clear voice in my head, as I shifted out of my body in the moment my car was hit from behind in a motor vehicle accident. From my new vantage point – somewhere above the scene, looking down at my limp body behind the wheel of my car – I became aware that I needed to make a choice. And I had to make this choice in a matter of seconds.

A welcoming omnipresent voice, warm and radiant merged with me. Very clearly I heard, “You have completed what you have set out to do, and you have done it perfectly. You are done with that commitment. We consider this an A+. You are complete.”

As I recall, there were no edges to my consciousness, and my reaction to this information was intensely passionate. The moment seemed timeless, and a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions raced through me in a second. I recall thinking, “I still have a very long To Do List.” In disbelief of the  message I just heard, my heart responded: “How could I possibly be done?” Was it not I who was in control of my life? Was that just an illusion? How could I have been so wrong to think I could decide when it was time to go? “Who would take all of my responsibilities?” I could think of no one.

At that time my life seemed impossible; I was making it through my days by sheer determination. So I became vividly curious in that instant – if I really did deserve an A+ on my life to date, didn't I have to stay alive long enough to feel complete and feel satiated with the experience? At least I should get to feel this A+ feeling!

But I did not feel it. I was a full-time single mom of three very energetic boys aged 9, 11, and 13. I had just dropped them off at the local pool to swim. I was dashing back home for my swimsuit when the accident occurred.

The voice in my head replied to my whirlwind thoughts: “Your boys will be fine, they are well and you have given them everything they need to thrive. What would be your reason for returning - this time?”

I sensed my time for negotiating coming to a close, so I quickly responded, "To witness and share in the joy of my children's lives as they realize their dreams!" Instantly the voice began to diminish, as I had made my choice. Somewhere in the distance I heard, "You will also have to heal your body."

At that moment I didn’t see any blood on my body, so I thought “How hard could it be to heal it?” As I was going to find out, it would not be easy. I will never forget that sensation of returning into my body – as if, like the classic cartoon image of instantly turning into stone, concrete poured down my central nervous system and immediately solidified. The contrast to the previous moment of indescribable calm, bliss and weightlessness is something I will never forget. Thus began a decade of healing.

Click Chart to Enlarge     

Kerry Keegan - Natal
Feb. 23, 1962, Fri - 9:19 AM - Framingham, MA (42N16, 71W25)
Geocentric - Tropical - Placidus - True Node

For those who want to explore the event charts of Kerry's accidents, here are the details:

Car Accident:  27-Jun-2002, 5:00 pm EST, Yarmouth, Maine
T-Chiron Rx was exactly opposite Sun in the event chart. Progressed MC is conjunct Kerry's natal Sun and natal Chiron.
  
Scooter Accident: 23-Jul-2011, 2:45 pm, Yarmouth, Maine
This occurred waxing into Kerry's Chiron Return, which was most exact 11-Mar-12 through 4-January-13. At the time of the accident, T-Chiron was exactly conjunct her Sun.

Quite suddenly my consciousness returned to my body. My first awareness was of intense physical pain, and I heard a piercing scream. The primal sound of the cry was louder than any I had ever heard. It was days later when I realized that the scream I had heard was mine, as my raw vocal chords began to heal.

It is still unclear now why ambulance paramedics did not take me to the hospital. I could stand and walk, but my head would not move in any direction. I drove myself to my nearby chiropractor's office and weakly asked for help. She surmised I was in shock. Having confidence in my self-awareness as a yoga teacher and healer, she sent me home, trusting I would know what to do next.

For two weeks, I was in a state of extreme shock. I knew, on some level, that most people in my condition would be in a hospital. I was very glad I wasn’t. I had no health insurance, so I needed to be careful with my limited resources. I was a gifted intuitive and had always relied on my inner guidance to steer me in the right direction. I was glad to have some time to assimilate the accident on my own terms and to determine an appropriate course of healing.

Interestingly, the accident happened exactly two years after the day that my former husband came home from work and announced he was leaving our family. Interpreting events from the soul’s perspective is my vocation as an astrologer. I could not ignore the profound spiritual message of this anniversary. It was time to move on and release the resentment I was carrying for my husband’s decision to leave. After all, I was a sought-after astrologer, often delivering spot-on assessments about the spiritual conflicts that resulted in physical illness and disease – think of this as the equivalent of a Master’s degree in medical astrology. I couldn’t help thinking to myself, “I have come through other serious traumas. Could this be so different?”

It was time to admit my daily life was off-the-charts stressful. In addition to full-time single parenting three boys, I was teaching five classes of yoga each week in my basement studio, operating my own accounting business and working as a professional astrologer. Running on the  adrenaline of the trauma, I attempted to continue all of these activities as I assimilated the near-death experience. 

Gradually, over the next three weeks, my body began to lose life force. My energy waned and my immense fortitude was gone. Slowly, but surely, I began to lose functioning. Upon waking, my wrists were curled in tight ball. I had to peel my fingers open and massage my arms to stop the tingling. I woke up in the night unable to move my head in any direction. I would roll off my bed onto the floor and make my way on hands and knees then straighten my body to lift my head. Slowly, very slowly, I could loosen the clenched muscles enough to move, inch by painful inch. Some days, upon waking, I couldn’t walk. I would crawl to the bathroom and wait until blood flow returned to the affected areas, allowing me to move but also revitalizing the pain. Movement did return little by little. 

The message of that omnipresent voice rang often through my mind, “You will have to heal your body.” Yeah, okay, I thought, my yoga classes should do it. So I continued teaching, even though it was very painful and grew more painful by the day. Six months later, I was down to teaching just one class of yoga a week. My spine felt bruised all the way down.

I began taking pain relief medication, which interfered with my intuitive abilities, so I decided to stop seeing astrological clients. Where had my clarity gone? I was unsure if it was due to the pain relief medication or to my herniated C6/C7 disc. Or was it the misaligned cervical spine to which I was now adjusting? None of my symptoms were consistent for more than a few days. This was very challenging; as soon as I began focusing on addressing a symptom, another one screamed out to steal my focus. 

Through it all, my intuitive guidance was clear: “Do absolutely nothing. Breathe with your heart.” My brain, however, replied “That’s absurd!” I searched out healing practitioners as if I was contracting with subcontractors to fix different parts of my body. How much history did each practitioner really need? Was it really necessary to share all of the “woo woo” aspects of the accident and its aftereffects, or just the presenting symptoms?

I went to over 17 doctors, healers, massage therapists, neuromuscular therapists, Reiki practitioners, channelers, chiropractors, and one of the top-rated back surgeons at Harvard Medical Center. It was my training and educational approach to view the events from a metaphysical perspective. Receiving very little effective results from either the allopathic medical community or from alternative healers, I knew I needed to stay positive and affirm that my body was healing. So, I smiled through all of my doctors’ appointments, assuring them I could handle this. 

They all were amazed that I appeared to be managing so well. “Wow,” they would say. “You are doing everything right!” Most decided to cheer me on, rather than prescribe a course of treatment in their own discipline. However, I was living with so much pain that, inside, I secretly believed I was a failure. I struggled with admitting that I was in pain. I felt as if I had lost my way, and I felt no love from any direction. 

Recalling that my intuition had advised me to do nothing, I silently cried out “Oh, I would love to do absolutely nothing for a while!” But I couldn’t see how I could manage to do that.

Four years later, I waited three months to see a highly recommend back  surgeon known for his work on herniated discs. I was sure he could help me end the complicated and painful symptoms throughout my body. He informed me that no one would perform disc surgery on this particular area of the spine, since it was so “nerve rich.” The chance of complications was just too high.

His next suggestion was icing on the cake of my frustration, “Perhaps you could fly to Europe and investigate where someone is experimenting with surgeries on this particular region of the spine?” This seemed highly unlikely, as my income was nearing poverty level due to my lack of work and impossibly low energy level. And, who would care for my three teenage sons? Then came the question that began to change everything.

He asked, “When are you not in pain?” To my surprise, what quickly leaped out of my mouth was, “When I am loving.”

At my response, he abruptly closed his medical chart and cheerfully said, “I cannot help you, you know what to do, and I wish all of my patients knew this.” And he left the room, leaving me with my jaw hanging open. But I did not fully understand the message then. I was confused, and this was not at all what I had wanted to hear.

Over the next several years, I reluctantly withdrew from much of my work – as a healer and yoga teacher – to come to my own yoga mat and to listen to my body’s teaching. I needed to listen to my body’s wisdom and learn to move according to a very different rhythm.

I truly wish that my experience of this healing odyssey had ended at this point. Much of my life did change. I now rose each morning, challenging myself to find – and to fully feel – the highest vibration of joy and compassion that I could imagine, both for myself and for others. I flowed with the river of life with greater ease, and began to experience life from the new perspective of a joyful heart. What was utterly fascinating to discover was that when I had a negative thought pain would shoot down my spine.

Even the slightest whine or complaint about the weather, the messy house, or the piling dishes caused pain. Whenever I wanted things to be different I experienced pain. I got the point. So, I surrendered. I cultivated acceptance and loving thoughts. This mindful practice was demanding. It required me to govern my thoughts.

I learned to reduce my pain to nervous tension. And by choosing a higher vibrational thought I could calm the nervous system. Ah, hah! I was making headway now.

Then I learned an easier way to access this loving vibration in body. It came from another part of my body, my heart. Emanating love from the heart became my healing practice. I learned how self- or heart-centered I needed to become. Yet I had more to learn about healing.

In 2011, nine years after that fateful car accident, I was riding to the store on a motor scooter when the throttle cable snapped, instantly accelerating the scooter and sending me rocketing down the dirt road at a tremendous velocity. A large pothole in the road was unavoidable, which rendered both the scooter and me airborne. I blacked out in midair but, this time, no voice spoke. My body slammed hard upon the earth. The scooter followed, landing on my leg. 

This time I embraced the ambulance driver and did not let go. I was so grateful to be looking into the young paramedic's eyes. I asked pleadingly with all the force I could muster, “Please look into my eyes and breathe with me." I bless this man to this day, as he did what I asked and allowed me to squeeze his hand with all my might. He directed his partner to give me the maximum medication allowed and then called the hospital for clearance for more.

I had sustained a tibial plateau fracture, broken ribs, and “inconclusive injuries” to my head, neck, and shoulders. The next six months while I slowly progressed in a wheelchair and on crutches provided me ample time to “do nothing” – as my intuition had previously ordered me to do – and I used the time to reflect upon my life.

I am still yielding, even as I write this, to the discomfort in my spine. I have moved into my heart, and I am still focusing on loving myself with every breath that I take. Sometimes, when I am successful at maintaining this vibration, I am utterly happy. Other days are a practice in patience, self loving, and humility.

I breathe in a new rhythm. On challenging days, I surrender even more to my breath. In my prayers, I ask to align with Gaia, our great mother Earth. I have moved to a home where I can hear the sound of the waves, reminding me, in each moment, that the earth is supporting me. I do not have to fix the earth. We can thrive in unison.

Today, I know that I am whole, even when I cannot point to a long To Do List of completed tasks as “proof” of my worthiness. I know that there is nothing wrong with me. I am invited to celebrate this, in each moment. I know I can have all that I desire.

Paradoxically, I can choose to be both free and supported. I can suspend any of my beliefs, and then choose never to pick them up again. I practice feeling the A+ that was granted me after my previous accident. I do not need permission from anyone, save my soul to feel the A+. I can choose. I am well, and I am love. I breathe and I cherish the breath.

I send my gratitude to all of the healers and loved ones who played roles in the story I am writing of my life, and send blessings to you, for reading and sharing in my experience.

~~~

Kerry Keegan, an astrologer, spiritual visionary and metaphysician, grew up in a small village on the coast of Maine. Her intuitive abilities began at a young age. Kerry cultivated and maintained friends in all forms to assist in her conscious evolution. As her passion for metaphysics grew, she easily absorbed the teachings of astrology, shamanism, yoga, medical astrology, meditation, and other internal energy practices. After graduating from Bard College and raising a family, Kerry began her career as a professional astrologer and yoga instructor. She draws upon this eclectic melding of wisdom and personal experience in her work with clients and students.  Her current passion is sharing her conversations within the multi-dimensional realms on her new blog and with her astrological clients. Kerry currently resides in Seattle, Washington. Please visit the website Messages with Anna to learn more or schedule a private session. Please email her at kerry@kerrykeegan.com.

Kerry will respond to your comments for this post. 

Photo Credit: Open-Hearted Yoga © Dirima - Fotolia.com; Kerry’s photo © Kerry Keegan 2014

NOTE:  Chiron Research Status Update

I am no longer actively seeking input into my Chiron Research pool because I am focused on other projects. However, if you have a Chiron story and don’t mind its being in the pool until I am able to use it in various future writings, I will be happy to have your submission: joyce [at] joycemason.com.