Saturday, February 1, 2014

Humor: How the Signs Get Ready for the 2014 Cardinal Grand Cross

© 2014 by Joyce Mason
All Rights Reserved

The first two articles of the year on the Radical Virgo speak to the winter retrogrades and how they help prepare us for the spring Cardinal Grand Cross. In capsule, the winter retrogrades are for reviewing relationships, desires and direction. The Cardinal Grand Cross is an opportunity to give birth to what you want to create and leave behind. The crossroads are Big Change Boulevard and Same Old Street.

My alter ego, Auntie Joyce, could not resist putting in her two cents about how each sign will fare this winter and spring during these Astro-energetics. Auntie also offers her “cure” for what “needs improvement.” Remember, her advice is free—and you get what you pay for. On the other hand, there’s usually a lot of wise in her wisecracking.


Winter Retrogrades:  Falls and hits head rushing backwards.

Spring Cardinal Cross: Dives head first into new things and runs around until s/he hits a wall.

Auntie’s Cure: Use head first to think and plan. Remember that creations have consequences. Lots of creations, lots of consequences.


Winter Retrogrades: Strolls slowly into a life review, stopping to smell the flowers along the way.

Spring Cardinal Cross: Review is hardly started by April. Digs heels into the ground at the thought of major change.

Auntie’s Cure:  Drink some coffee, speed it up, and hang out with Uranians to your desensitize resistance to what’s new and different.


Winter Retrogrades: Talks about his or her life review till blue in the face.

Spring Cardinal Cross: By spring, there’s been a lot of talk and little action—and a lot of people are either: (1) scared of this blue alien, or (2) think s/he’s  an A’vi from the movie Avatar and sits down to watch the flick. How to focus a butterfly on a few creations is left up in the air.

Auntie’s Cure:  Life reviews are a form of talking to yourself. Aren’t the two of you always doing that in your head, anyway? Get it on paper and choose a new creative direction. May the best Twin win.


Winter Retrogrades: Worries incessantly that her kids’ and other loved ones won’t reconsider everything they’re doing to screw up their lives.

Spring Cardinal Cross: When the Cardinal Cross hits home, one point being in Cancer, the poor Moon Person is taken by complete surprise. What happened to winter? You mean I might have to move or do something equally uprooting? (Stop trembling, dear.)

Auntie’s Cure:  Mind your own business. That means to thine own self, review.


Winter Retrogrades: Spends most of winter reviewing his or her good looks in the mirror.

Spring Cardinal Cross: Wonders why his or her fans are too busy to play or lavish their usual admiration.

Auntie’s Cure:  Review how you look and the many qualities you have to admire. Start with what you know and love. Then take it to you how act, relate to others, etc. If you pay more attention to others, they may involve you in their new Grand Cross creations. Play dates restored.


Winter Retrogrades: Analyzes self so thoroughly, is not done by spring.

Spring Cardinal Cross: Likes deadlines and tries to create a new universe during the few days the Grand Cross is closest to exact. You like exact.

Auntie’s Cure:  Lighten up. Hit the highlights when reviewing, and know the Grand Cross configuration waxes in and waxes out over a period of months in its effects. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither are major life changes. Drink some Tension Tamer tea. Dare to be imperfect—and embrace it.

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Winter Retrogrades: “I’ll go over my relationship, desires and direction if my honey does it with me. Do we even need to? (We’re doing fine, aren’t we, sweetheart?)”

Spring Cardinal Cross: What do you mean “needs improvement?”

Auntie’s Cure:  As my Libra mom used to say, “It takes two to tangle.” With Mars being in Libra on one point of this Cross, you could be cross and there could be fights, which I know you hate. Try to make something productive out of them, like taking time-outs. Go to your own corners and find out who you really are. Then come back together to see if you belong there or the blow-ups could lead to a split instead of a new and improved relationship.


Winter Retrogrades: Shutters all the windows, unplugs the phone, and only uses the computer with an anonymous avatar when desperate. Does not quit ruminating till after the spring equinox.

Spring Cardinal Cross: Change? Make me.

Auntie’s Cure:  Lighten up, Scorpie. Did you review your tendency for high drama? As for the change resistance, there could be hot new lovers somewhere besides the trench you’ve dug for yourself. Take a chance! You’ve got a great cave to retreat to if New doesn’t work out.


Winter Retrogrades: Reviews own life for 10 minutes, is fine with it, and then spends the next three months offering his or her unsolicited opinion about how you should fix yours. (Sag’s self-review wasn’t nearly as blunt or as pointed.)

Spring Cardinal Cross: Likes this change thing, especially if it involves traveling and new people. Pretty soon is coming and going so much, Sag doesn’t know what’s what, what is, or what used to be.

Auntie’s Cure:  Dear Archer, consider using that point on your arrow—not to point out others’ shortcomings—but to point toward your new goals and bull’s eyes the Cardinal Grand Cross could portend for you. You have so much fun with others, it’s easy to forget that the inner journey is the most exciting one of all. Auntie suggests you settle down, tend to your own knitting (done with another pointed object), and regroup for this cosmic event. You may discover new worlds!


Winter Retrogrades: Works self into a frazzle reviewing how to make his or her life better and how to profit from it—literally.

Spring Cardinal Cross: When the Cardinal Cross hits, it really hits this Cardinal Goat where s/he lives. There is so much to do differently, and s/he hasn’t figured out how to organize and monetize it.

Auntie’s Cure:  I know you’ve always found it hard to believe, but money isn’t everything. Play is as important as work in climbing new mountains. Take yourself and your staff on a retreat. To work smart, not hard—build in plenty of fun. Trust me, your payday will depend on your playday.


Winter Retrogrades: Creates group review parties where people discuss the changes they think they have to make in their lives. Encourages originality and gives big points those that with the most cutting-edge ideas.

Spring Cardinal Cross: Wants to handle the effects of the Grand Cross by committee, but realizes a bit late that change starts from the inside out and this giant rebirth is a solo gig. To keep from getting bummed out about his or her lack of preparation, s/he parties a lot.

Auntie’s Cure: You know those voices in your head? They can be your committee and provide as much input as friends. This is how you fool yourself into self-review. Then rely on your penchant for sudden change, the gift of your ruling planet Uranus. Go forth and morph.


Winter Retrogrades: Is overwhelmed by the concept of review. To avoid depression, gets high or goes to sleep—meditates or gets lost in music or artwork. In a lucid moment, s/he wonders what is this world coming to—next?

Spring Cardinal Cross: Loves the creative potential of the Cardinal Big Bang. Gets swept up in the waves of change, and when the tide peaks, rides them like a surfer. However, Pisces wonders how did I get on this particular shore?

Auntie’s Cure: Latch onto a Taurus, Virgo or Capricorn for a little grounding. Ask them how they’re doing their winter review. Follow suit. If you have your own plan, your spring new creations will be what you want, not what everybody else wants around you.  Don’t you feel better already? Your earthy friends will help you keep your feet on the ground now and later, when the Big Bang comes, too.


Photo Credit: © Michael Brown -

1 comment:

Mads Elung-Jensen said...

Great read. As a real Virgo i shall do my very best to be perfectly imperfect!