Humor: Carols and Tinsel Time Tunes ‘Round the Zodiac

© 2013 by Joyce Mason

All Rights Reserved

See Comment Contest about this cartoon at the bottom of the post.

Every holiday carol is likely to be loved by some signs more than others. I asked my alter ego, Auntie Joyce, to scratch her head and share her ideas and acerbic wit on which holiday tunes go with which singers in the zodiac. Here’s a taste of her which-craft!

Aries: "We Need a Little Christmas (Right This Very Minute!)” – OK, it’s not technically a carol, but this catchy tune from the musical Mame captures Aries impatience to a T. Besides, if you have to be first, you’d be singing a different tune because you’d be singing it before the carol season begins. If you insist it has to be a carol, “The First Noel” for obvious reasons ….

Taurus: “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear” – With its sweet, almost sensuous peacefulness, this carol will appeal to the laid-back Bull, happy to envision angels bending near the earth (his or her element), touching their harps of gold. We know how Taurii love their gold.

Gemini: “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” – Gem’s a messenger, right? This song reminds me of Paul Revere running through the streets of urban America chanting, “The Santa is coming.” Besides, it’s about lists and checking them twice. Of course, one list would never do for the list-happy Gemini, unless it were Santa’s never-ending scroll. Gems just keep singing and fantasizing about the List to End All Lists. It’s almost better than sex.

Cancer: “Away in a Manger” – What Cancer with his or her strong inner parent wouldn’t worry for baby Jesus having no home or crib for his head? Who else would be more eager to sing about creating the comforts of home, even in a meager stable? Obvious runner-up: “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.”

Leo: “All I Want for Christmas is You.” Not that you’re hooked on romance or attention or anything, King or Queen of Everyone’s Heart.

Virgo:  “The Twelve Days of Christmas” – It’s complex, it’s wordy, it requires memorization. It’s a challenge to get right, and it offers no end of possibilities to critique those who can’t cut it.

Libra: “All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth” – With Libra’s bent for beauty, he or she would truly be disturbed to be missing these important smile props. Not to mention, it’s easier to kiss with good dentition. Gives the lips a good foundation and backdrop for the pressure of pursing and pressing against another’s. Runner-up: “The Peace Song.” (Let There Be Peace on Earth and Let it Begin with Me)

Scorpio: “O Come, All Ye Faithful” – Not that I’m saying Scorps are jealous or anything.

Sagittarius: “O, Hanukkah!” Jewish or Gentile, this catchy tune is likely to capture the heart of fiery Sag. Hanukkah’s a Festival of Lights, there’s gambling in a game of spinning the dreidel, it’s a religious celebration--and a party. Generous Sag has the opportunity to give eight days of gifts without having to memorize their names in reverse order. (See Virgo.) Runner up: “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”  for a title so tactless ... dare I say more?

Capricorn: “Up on the Rooftop” – Goats like to climb, and who knows? A He Goat might meet a reindeer babe up there. Girl Goats might meet a hunky deer. (Note to Cap: Avoid the one with the red nose. Possible lush and you know how they tend to get out of control.)

Aquarius: “Auld Lang Syne” – This traditional New Year’s tune is about friendship, the Water Bearer’s favorite form of love. It’s sung at parties where gregarious Aquarius shines when people are thinking of revolutions. (That’s resolutions, Aquarius.)

Pisces: “All Through the Night” – A traditional Welsh folk song about a sleeping child attended by angels, it’s a double-header for any pair of Fish. You can zzz out after being tucked in by heavenly beings. Runners up: “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” for the occasional Fish that drinks like one and "Blue Christmas" for those sensitive artiste types who cry in their beer before drinking it.

May your Inner Zodiac Singers always help you hit the high notes in life!

Happy Holidays from Joyce, “Auntie Joyce” and everyone at our house—to everyone at yours.

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Photo Credit: © wetnose1 - Fotolia.com

 Carolers Cartoon Contest

There are only 11 carolers. Which sign is missing and why? Post your best explanations in the Comments!

May: Planetary Fishing Expedition on The Radical Virgo

Learn More About Your Planets, Chart and Enter a Comment Contest

Dear Radical Readers,

While I’m busy wrapping up my new book Keywords to Unlock Chiron, I have a homeplay assignment for you. That’s an alternative to homework. It’s voluntary and much more fun, though you might catch some serious insights.

The object of this game is to take 15 minutes, twice a week during the month of May, to get a better understanding of the major planets in your astrology chart and how they work for you. The goal is to strengthen your self-understanding and to give you a new perspective on your chart and the archetypal energies that drive it.

I suggest you create a folder in your computer and use your word processing program to highlight and copy the “assignments.” As you answer them, you’ll be building a self-interpretation of your chart. Finding answers yourself is a powerful way to learn.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. ~ Chinese Proverb

As the proverb goes, I’m offering a few fishing lessons per planet. Even if you're already a "good angler" and know your aspects and chart fairly well, you'll be surprised the added dimension you'll get from these simple exercises. For a commitment of approximately 30 minutes a week for a month or 2.5 hours total, you’ll come back with a net full of aha’s—and hopefully you’ll share some of them with the Radical Virgo community in the Comments so we can see your figurative “big catch.” 

The exercises are designed to take just a short time per planet, but you can extend that if you really “get into it.” It’s your choice how deep or shallow you want to go into the channel to fish and how long you want to stay out.

To sweeten the trip, anyone who comments during this May planetary fishing expedition will be entered into a drawing for a free copy of my e-book, Astrology 101 Primer: How to Interpret Your Astrology Chart. It's great for beginners and a compact reference for ongoing students of astrology. It also makes a great gift, if you're trying to help someone important in your life learn the language of astrology for everyday conversation with you. The winner will be announced on or about June 1.

Happy Fishing!

Joyce

PS – With 5 weeks in May, the posts will begin on May 1 and run on Wednesday and Friday the first week. The remainder of the weeks, the posts will be on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

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Photo Credit: © igor kisselev - Fotolia.com

Be Mine! Win a Free Reading and Revisit Previous Valentine Features

Another February 14^th is right around the corner, and with my Venus-ruled chart, I can’t resist sending you my version of a Valentine. At first, I wanted Auntie Joyce to tell all—her secret list of the best gifts she has given her love interests, who span every sign of the zodiac. (Auntie came of age during the sexual revolution and certainly has had her share of kiss, but she wasn’t quite ready to tell.) I think we’ll save that for next year. She needs time to work up her courage to reveal how she lured potential partners from Aries to Pisces with her astro-savvy presents. She also needs to quit hyperventilating, while she reminisces about her single life, when she was still seeking the perfect earth or water sign.

I decided a more practical idea, especially during Mars Retro, would be to re-do something that worked in the past, the Valentine’s comment contest we had in 2010. This one’s updated with a new spin.

From the time of this announcement and through the rest of February, anyone who makes a substantial comment on any post on the Radical Virgo—or makes the Valentine two-way by sharing what you appreciate about the Radical Virgo blog in a comment—will be entered into a drawing. The prize is a free e-mail mini-reading or $50 off a full-length reading with me.

More Than One Chance to Win!

Each time you make a substantial comment on The Radical Virgo with a specific response and reference to blog content (any post), your name goes into a hat for a drawing at the end of the month. (Generic comments like “nice blog” will not qualify.) Same goes for your “Valentine’s” about the blog. To better equalize the spirit of chance in the “game,” the maximum number of comments accepted for the contest will be three per person. You may make as many comments as you wish, but your name will be placed in the hat a maximum of three times. The contest ends at midnight, Pacific Standard Time, on February 29. The Radical Virgo reserves the right to determine if a comment meets the intent of the contest. The drawing will be made on March 1 and the winner announced no later than March 5.

Prize

If you win, you can choose either the mini-reading by e-mail or $50 off my normal $150 astrology reading by phone or in person, if you’re local to Sacramento, CA. I will ask you to focus on a single issue, if you choose the e-mail reading—up to three issues in a full, discounted reading. (This discount can also be applied to Astro-Tarot, my favorite reading that combines the best of both symbol systems. If you want a reading as soon as possible, please note it will be subject to the first vacancy in my schedule.

Why Readings--Now

It’s 2012, change is thick in the air, and the conversation in the sky is urging us to grow. I encourage you to get a professional opinion from me or another astrologer you trust, if you’re wondering how to navigate these interesting times. I have never enjoyed doing readings more than I have lately in this climate of fast evolution! If you want to know more about my readings, how I do them, and see some client feedback, see Personal Consultations on my website.

Quotes Worth a Déjà View

For a smile and a possible good line for your homemade Valentine, see 2010’s Valentine Quotes for the Signs. You might also enjoy another look last year’s, Love’s Many Aspects.

Happy Valentine’s Day, and a hearty year of joining our love and purpose to create the world we want to see. That’s what Neptune in Pisces offers us. “Sees” the moment!

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Photo Credit: © FloatingLemons - Fotolia.com

Don’t Miss the Radical Virgo E-book Sale! Lowest sale prices this year through Valentine’s Day. See sidebar.

Comment Contest: Fiction Fest on The Radical Virgo

To keep things lively while I’m off writing a book, I thought I’d stir things up a little with a Comment Contest. We haven’t had one here in ages! The prize is a copy of Capital Crimes: 15 Tales by Sacramento Area Authors. It includes my darkly humorous short story, “Digital,” and a host of other fine offerings from members of my local Sisters in Crime chapter. All comments during the month of October count. Here’s how it works:

You can comment on any post on The Radical Virgo. The names of each commenter will be place in a hat for a drawing. The person who’s name is drawn on November 1 will receive a copy of the book. Your copy of Capital Crimes will be shipped via the most inexpensive option, and you must provide your postal address to receive it. (The winner has the option to pay the difference in postage to upgrade to a faster form of delivery.)

And if you just can’t resist buying Capital Crimes and reading it anyway, the Amazon link is included below. To pique your interest, my story has something to do with a very unusual taco.

Good luck!

Joyce

Capital Crimes: 15 Tales by Sacramento Area Authors

Photo Credit: HEART © Alexroz Dreamstime.com

Quotes for the Signs #4

© 2009 by Joyce Mason

I keep finding them—or they find me! Here’s Round Four of the latest zodiac quotefest.

ARIES - Patience is the ability to count down before you blast off. ~Author Unknown

TAURUS -  There is deep wisdom within our very flesh, if we can only come to our senses and feel it. ~Elizabeth A. Behnke

GEMINI - I keep six honest serving-men,

They taught me all I knew;

Their names are What and Why and When

And How and Where and Who.  ~Rudyard Kipling

CANCER: Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson:  you find the present tense, but the past perfect!  ~Owens Lee Pomeroy

LEO -  Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them. ~Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince, 1943

VIRGO - We are the products of editing, rather than authorship. ~George Wald, "The Origin of Optical Activity," Annals of the New York Academy of Science, 1975

LIBRA - Endurance is frequently a form of indecision. ~Elizabeth Bibesco, Haven, 195

SCORPIO -  Man stands in his own shadow and wonders why it's dark. ~Zen Proverb

SAGITTARIUS -  Every one of us has in him a continent of undiscovered character. Blessed is he who acts as Columbus to his own soul. ~Author Unknown

CAPRICORN - The leadership instinct you are born with is the backbone. You develop the funny bone and the wishbone that go with it. ~Elaine Agather

AQUARIUS - Rabbi Zusya said that on the Day of Judgment, God would ask him, not why he had not been Moses, but why he had not been Zusya. ~Walter Kaufmann

PISCES - Learning how to operate a soul figures to take time. ~Timothy Leary

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Photo credit: AND I QUOTE © Zitramon |Dreamstime.com

Crave more Quotes for the Signs? Visit these previous posts:

Quotes for the Signs #1, Quotes for the Signs #2, Quotes for the Signs #3.

NEWS! The winner of last week’s drawing in the Mercury Direct Comment Contest is Susannah of The Lion and the Lightning Bolt blog. Susannah won a free PDF download of my new e-book, Chiron and Wholeness: A Primer. A new contest drawing period starts today and runs through next Monday, Oct. 19, at midnight PDT. Comment for a chance to win in the second and final drawing.  People who commented last week but did not win will be rolled over into this week's drawing, in addition anyone making a new comment between Oct. 13-20. Next winner will be announced on or about Oct. 21.  Good luck!

Your Two Cents Worth! A Mercury Direct Comment Contest

Mercury has gone direct and the Sun is in Libra, the sign of relationship. What nice timing for friendly communications. To celebrate, I’m encouraging more talk amongst ourselves via Comments. I have met several great new friends who have commented on The Radical Virgo. It could happen to you, too!

Prizes! While friendship and shared ideas are the real prize—a nice combination of Venus and Mercury—let’s have some traditional prizes to sweeten the pot. Each person to comment over the next two weeks will be entered into a drawing to receive a free copy of my new e-book, Chiron and Wholeness: A Primer. There will be a drawing each week, so two free e-books will be given away worth $4.95 US each. Winners for the previous week will be announced at the bottom of the next two posts.

The comment contest applies to any post or article on The Radical Virgo. The only “rule” is that your comments be constructive and substantive—responses to the content of a post or sharing a related experience. More than, “Hi, nice post.” Good luck, and have fun!

-Joyce

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Photo Credit: © Tomo Jesenicnik - Fotolia.com